” Oh God, I’ve been pouring shit in cups for alcoholics for longer than I ever really care to recount.. why do I bartend? The same reason everyone else does; the money. And if anyone says otherwise, they’re a stupid lying cunt. I’m just kidding, kind of. I actually really do like people, especially when I’m wasted. So you know, bartending is a win-win situation in that regard. Most of my experience has been working in Gay bars which are typically better money and a lot more sodomy than straight bars. Because everyone knows we homosexuals love two things more than anything else on earth: sucking scores of dick and tipping way above and beyond 20%. I’m lucky to have worked in so many great gay bars here in the city, they’ve allowed me to survive and thrive in NYC and afford all the STD treatments I keep getting from working in them. The craziest thing I’ve ever seen? Honestly, the craziest thing I’ve ever seen working in a bar has to be my god damn reflection by the end of my shift. Ha! “

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